Expert advice on getting a dream job

I will now reveal, in 3 simple steps, my expert, infallible and enlightening advice on the question that haunts most of humanity:

How to get your dream job?

1. Don't get a qualification:

Jus' because you are a qualified CA or MBA or (sadly, both) or some techie, doesn't mean you'll get a job. Actually, getting a qualification is a hindrance in getting a job. Eg: A qualified CA can only work as a CA and hence can't apply for coveted and highly enjoyable and respected jobs like that of a bartender, bouncer, guy who selects air-hostesses at kingfisher etc.

2. Don't work:

You see, most innocent people think that people who are committed to work will get a job. That's pure bullshit. Useless bullshit, to be specific. People who work become workers. People who pretend to work become supervisors. People who don't give a damn(except for making money) become owners. And people who exploit everyone, form the Government. Hence - never work.

3. Don't Panic:

Hey, it may so happen that you might not get a job for 2 or 3 or 230 months. It's O.K. Stay calm boy/gal/Bobby Darling... Then, look at yourself in the mirror. Laugh at what a jobless-scoundrel you have become and are shamelessly proud of it. Finally, sell your soul to some corporate and everyday lie to yourself that you are happy at achieving your dream job.

Choosing a career

You see careers are an illusion. But you can't see that as if u did then it wouldn't be an illusion, will it? So not seeing it IS seeing it... (I think)

So you are 21 or 23 or 45 and looking for a career not because you want to but because your parents don't feel like funding your shameless spending any-more.

Therefore - YOU need a job where you can sell yourself for prints of Gandhi.

Option numero uno - Family business

It is safe, simple and well tested. But if you are parents don't trust you (which is reasonable) they will tell you to get a job first. Simple truth - they don't want you to wreck the family business. (And your violent past proves their reasoning).

Option number two - Get a job

Work... no, slog like a pig for some company and get a pay proportional to the amount of health you will sacrifice for the blood-sucking corporates that own (I mean employ) you.

Option three - Start your own innovative business.

Whom are we kidding - if you are reading this you don't have the slightest idea of what it takes to start your own business.

How to survive 2011?

Alright now. Let me tell you what's bad about 2011.

It will get followed by 2012 and as per a psychotic movie - we will all die.

But that's not so bad, is it?

Now let me tell you what's good about 2011.

You get another year to make new mistakes (rather - blunders) and then you can say in an intellectual tone "It's just a new beginning, things will get better." You can blame the past year for your present mistakes. And repeat the same next year.

Ain't that great?

Now I will tell you what will REALLY really happen.

You will dream of greatness (only dream), you will continue to live on the web and be constantly shocked by the lack of reality in real life and wait for things to change in the next year.

Now that's OK, isn't it?

Happy belated another new year.

Hope you survive.