True love.

So let me spin you...a story. Maybe, you'll smile. Else, try a mirror.

You have (somehow) caught fire. (In the list of things to catch in life, fire is not highly recommended).
In this fascinating situation, you are - as per your brain's programming and available talents - panicking with full enthusiasm and energy. That's because your life matters to you.
Just before your whole life starts a tiresome recap of itself...

You see a swimming pool right next to you.
You saw hope.THEY all did.
You knew you would be saved. They ALL did.
But as you jumped in the pool you got hit by a torpedo and you died.
(Yes, they laughed. THEY all DID).

Don't ask me how did that come there as YOU are the one who caught fire, in the first place.
(Moving on, with slightly drained enthusiasm and energy).

So that's what happens when you destroy the environment and build bombs. Vengeance strikes. And it hurts. People die. And you are people. To be exact, you are one people.
Save trees, they're better than people. Because no tree ever made a torpedo. And it won't set you on fire. Actually it'll catch fire for you.  Ask the family of firewood if you don't believe me.
That's true love.

THE childhood

At this sensitive age, where we are approaching the end of contact with our childhood (sadly), let us look back at my, yours n OUR childhood. THE childhood.

What made the childhood, THE childhood (no, caps lock is not the answer. Just stfu and read, maga).

Uno - We were *very* young.... (yes, that's bleeding obvious but please read further)

Dos - DRAGON ball Z....

Now, if you didn't watch this, I sincerely hope we find travel for the sake of your non-existent childhood.
Kaaaameee.......
The battle, the humour, the STORY...
yaaaaaaaameeeehhhh......
Even today I talk about it with my friends and fight for Goku, Vegeta, Piccalo,Yamcha etc like little school kids. Pure bliss.
Yaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh.........
(say hello to the next dimension for me)

Goku - "I would rather be a brainless monkey than a heartless monster."

Tres - No NEED to work.
(Wo)Man, you all agree on this (and if you don't, you probably are a sadistic snail or your parents didn't love you. Ask them, you are probably adopted or you were a mistake when the lights went out)

Cuatro - No ambition, except for playing more and more.
Ambition, career and other hogwash is mind-splittingly over-rated, machas/machis. Playing and fighting with friends, good time on TV and computer, that's the life and you know it.
(Well, if you don't - you suck).

If you are not in your childhood anymore, that's inevitably sad. But if you still got a bunch of nutcase friends like you, then you will never be far from your childhood.
(That's almost smart, you are ordered to please read the above line again).

Important techniques for daily usage

To improve your daily conversation, (psuedo)scientist Sir Vipul Jain (the prefix Sir being purely orna mental) suggests you all of this -

1. Name calling -
Cancerous retard, mindless chimp, drooling maggot, deranged cubicle, fat iphone, tall midget, perverted lamp, internet explorer, pawn head (see what I did there?) are the one's that leap to my mind.

2. Exaggerated comparisons -
I'd rather look at cat vomit than your face, you cause atheists to believe in hell, your green eyes look like those of a fat frog having a breath taking heart attack, I'd rather dismember myself than listen to you whine, your writing is the pinnacle of human regression (not mine, per se).

3. Pause/whisper/scream for effect -
Pause for effect, use whispering and screaming techniques for the best effect.
"I am your... (scream) FATHER.....(long pause) ...(then whisper, when he/she's gone)... not." 

4. Avoid people -
This is - by far - the best way to have an interesting conversation.

One line wisdom

I like you so much I want to take up drugs and hang from my ceiling.
The one's whom you want to see what you did there, don't.
I had a haircut as there was more on my head than in it.
Her charm and beauty make men say they're gay.

I almost decided to do something today that did not involve the term procrastination.
There's no 'I' in a team. Same applies for joy and happyness (latter as per Will Smith).
The word period is painfully funny. Men feel the pain when they try to make it funny.
You are pretty. You are stupid. You are pretty stupid. And your shoes are ugly.

I love you. Just kidding. I hope you die. Just... the end.
So you like getting drunk? Good. And has your liver found a new owner, yet?
Kids are funny especially the fat ones when they're crying for food (which you hold just out of reach).
I love work. (LOL attack. Dead for all nine lives. Instant Nirvana).

You think this is funny? Oh, you meant my life? And you used funny as a synonym for sad?
K.

Fixing the planet: Attempt #1

Everyone knows, this world needs fixing. Contrary to popular belief, I can help.

Issue - Censorship. This thing only makes those things more popular.
Fixing - Wait... is that the real motive? Then, ok.

Issue - How the hell can the sickeningly senseless, manically uninformed, psychologically challenged, purely deranged, happily dense(headed) and literally demented governments even dream of stopping torrents? (Loads of) People like me would happily bear curfews and even public lashings but we will not tolerate the slightest threat to our beloved torrents.
Fixing - Let there be torrents.

Issue - Lack of stuff to enjoy. People have the right to enjoy [this can replace the entire Bill Of (pseudo) Rights in my humble (sort of) opinion] and there badly needs to be more fun stuff to do and more time to do them.

Man knows his shit.

Fixing - Ban all jobs. Ok, at least let the timings not resemble chronic slavery. Or as a last resort, pay us a few more peanuts than usual.

Issue - Too many screaming issues in the world. (You see what I did there? In case you didn't - Issues also mean loud and troublesome things that emerge after roughly three fourth of a year due to an act that is too explicit to describe. I recommend videos instead).
Fixing - Control the issue before it arises. (I think you saw what I did here, this time. If you didn't, I recommend taking a walk off your closest skyscraper).

Sensitivity

I feel to touch upon, gently of course, certain sensitive issues.
Like the disturbingly tricky time gap between when you wake up and when you get up. Too many mothers and (martyred) kids/adults have fallen prey to it and there is no answer as to what is socially acceptable. I think any gap of less than a day is a clear sign of bursting maturity.

Next sensitive topic that springs to my volatile mind, the yellow light in a traffic signal. Women think it's a red light which is dressed in just a fancier colour and men think it's no different from green (well, even red appears a variant of green to most). My expert opinion is that we shouldn't drive as it is environmentally unhealthy. Stay green.

Happens all the time, no?

Final delicate issue, how to react to someone's death/public embarrassment. Celebration is not socially acceptable despite being instinctive and neither is publicly declaring it as a national/galactic holiday. So, I suggest we should all just chuckle loudly (pointing finger is optional) and feel glad that death is probably the best gift of life.

Yo sé que tú (como muchos) no puedes leer este. 

Once there was a boy and a girl.

Once there was a problem and a solution.
Well...
And that's about it. (You can fill in the details).

OK, this is no way to treat a blog. I'll tell you something a little longer to engage your dwindling attention.
Please ponder on this - Why do we not kill useless old people, environmental hazards aka fat people and noisy kids?
...... (time for pondering)...........
I feel it's because, most of us are/will become one of them or generally were in the latter category. Makes me wanna play Zombieland on most of the human race.

She might be your daughter

He is you.

But I'm generally a peaceful bloke.
But tell me, place your heart on your hand and tell me (ok, that was supposed to be vice-versa as you'd probably die if you just did what I told you to) so, tell me if you have never felt like murdering?
Yup, I knew it: The answer is always, ALWAYS.

So, I will give you a solution to get rid of those annoying problems.
Well...
And that's about it. (You can fill in the details).

Now, how did THIS happen?

That's exactly what I have been wondering since I wonder when.

Certain common words/phrases we use, despite seeming utterly meaningless, we still use. One of which, when some wannabe youngster says when he/she's angry - "RoundRoundthings to you"
How is this an abuse?
My dear abuser, this is actually a fact. Every male/female has RoundRoundthings, so you are actually complementing them.

Coloured RoundRoundthings

I am really astounded to literal astonishment regarding how mind-splittingly common this phrase is. People say this with anger and force as if it makes a huge statement. In fact, it's a fact not an abuse.

But you may say you don't care and might feel all of this is a massive waste of your already wasted existence. But I thinkyou are an obscenely obese loser who..
WAIT, WHAT?

Oh, you think I'm loony and a pathetic and miserable blogger? Oh, plus you think I'm a shameless overgrown kid? And I'm deluded as I'm talking to self? (which is kind of true...) and you have the bloody brain to think I should be banned and shipped to Somalia as I serve no purpose and I am the reason for the ill-fate of this universe including the Holocaust and bad bloggers?
Well...

RoundRoundthings to you.

Ramblings part II

Even though no one (no-sane-one) will read this, I go on. Maybe posthumously I’ll be famous? Damn, that’ll suck as all the glory is meant to be soaked in pretentious humility. Death can be so unfair on some people. I think I’ll take fame over money. I say that because I got neither and never ask for too much. If, though the chances are nonexistent, I get fame I’d cry for money and when I get that I’ll wish to be back as I am now when things ‘were’ simple. See? I’m not famous or anything but I am showing signs – clear ones – of acting like one who’s too damn famous and wants to go away ‘into the wild’. Even who leads a solitary life clings to the fact that people somewhere are envying him doing that.

If no one envies you, please die. At least that’ll be some sort of merciful end. That’s all we need – attention.

No more no less. But more is never less in this case. That’s why we have such a glorification of everything. And people are made to believe that all this matters. No, it doesn't. We are  all insignificant and useless in the universal scheme. And even in if we mattered we...

Damn, this is getting out of hand.

Let’s discuss food. We all love food. No, not everyone loves food especially animals that become food. So, let me pick something simpler.

Childhood – I pick this because I heard this word  in a song I am listening now.

So, what’s childhood and how does it matter for adults? It’s crucial because with childhood you cant make it to adfulthood. Case closed.

See, I tried to be funny again? Failed pathetically, as most of you rightly noted.

Let me get back to what I am good at... well, at least what I THINK I am good at. 

Digression.

Ramblings

Now, you see I feel like rambling. Not because I am jobless. Well, I am but I do it because I like digressions.

That’s my favourite thing in life for quite a while now. I just shift topics. I don’t like making the big decisions these days, some may rightly call it procrastination and the virulent decadence of youth. To such people I say – stop using such long words. Just call it my laziness or I dont give a damn attitude or sth like that.

Keep it simple, I suggest. But keep it, most importantly.

You see, well – unless you’re blind, Life is beautiful. That’s what they sell to you. As a sidenote – do you know who ‘they’ are? I have always searched – they are vilified due to the stuff ‘ they’ said. I think they deserve a lawyer to get their name cleared.

Anyway, back to the mainnote – which was... oesophagus is too long a name... oh no, I was talking about life and shit.

So life is something we all have to live as if it’s some special gift, I believe. I disagree, not becoZ i GOT SOME GR8 COMMENT AGAINST IT? No No no.. I don’t have such a mind to give pathbreaking comments. I just disagree to sound cool, at least to self. You see if u cant get fame – get self-deceit. It works just as well. I speak/write from experience.