Thursday, October 11, 2012

Important techniques for daily usage

To improve your daily conversation, (psuedo)scientist Sir Vipul Jain (the prefix Sir being purely orna mental) suggests you all of this -

1. Name calling -
Cancerous retard, mindless chimp, drooling maggot, deranged cubicle, fat iphone, tall midget, perverted lamp, internet explorer, pawn head (see what I did there?) are the one's that leap to my mind.

2. Exaggerated comparisons -
I'd rather look at cat vomit than your face, you cause atheists to believe in hell, your green eyes look like those of a fat frog having a breath taking heart attack, I'd rather dismember myself than listen to you whine, your writing is the pinnacle of human regression (not mine, per se).

3. Pause/whisper/scream for effect -
Pause for effect, use whispering and screaming techniques for the best effect.
"I am your... (scream) FATHER.....(long pause) ...(then whisper, when he/she's gone)... not." 

4. Avoid people -
This is - by far - the best way to have an interesting conversation.

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